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You know, I really shouldn't make generalizations like that. Fucking Stamen. He's fucking foreign. He's really starting to piss me off, with his all too american winks and his not using any pronouns. Where does he get off? Stamen is the foreign kid who is in my group for Statistics class. And let me tell you, he's about to become one. A statistic, that is. With his industrious foreign work ethic and his getting things done. Fucking jerk. Now, don't get me wrong, I'd be drooling all over the guy if he was actually doing things right. But he's not. Oh no. He's just doing things. Not even the right things. And what the hell is he speaking? It's like esperanto or something. So, to back up a bit, we have this statistics project to do, and there are three of us: Me, Stamen, and Julie. Now we're all competent individuals. You'd think that we'd be able to distribute some surveys and make conclusions about them. Monkeys could do it. So Stamen happens to have all the data. And then he happens to have everything done. Except for the minor hiccups that most of it is crap and all of it is in some strange slovakian language that only certain sects of monks still speak in countries with names like "Crappelplachia". And he has all the frickin data so Julie and I can't even fix anything. So that brings me to the present moment. It's 2 AM, the stupid thing is due tomorrow, and no one is around. How did I get here you ask? How did I arrive at this state of affairs, with only hours left before the due date, and certain key parts of the project, namely the words, missing? Well I'll tell you. You see, it all would have worked out fine if it weren't for stucky. But no, stucky had to go and fuck everything up. Stucky is my physics professor, and he decided to give a small test today. The test started out easy enough. One problem, pretty simple, open book. So I finish the problem, I'm getting up to leave, and stucky walks in...looking around with that gleam in his eye just like the one that spitting dinosaur gets in Jurassic Park right before he eats the big fat guy. He tells us that after we solve the problem, we have to write a computer program to display it, and also find a solution to the problem of world hunger. Then if we have time we're to solve the mystery of cold fusion. Cake, right? So let me just tell you, right off the bat, cause I can tell that you're a little bit worried, that everything turned out ok. I wrote the program, and it worked and it only took me FIVE FRICKIN HOURS. Do you know what you can do in five hours? You could set up a small accounting firm in five hours. You could drive 300 miles. You could watch 600 beer commercials. You could get drunk and be sober again. So naturally I didn't plan on spending five hours on that test, but I did, and so one thing ran into another, and I've been out till now. Till 2 AM, and now I come home to discover that a foreign guy with a thick accent and bad goatee holds 33% of my statistics grade in his hands, which are probably dirty (you know how those foreigners are, no hygiene) , and there's really nothing i can do about it. I need a drink. And a firearm.
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