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I had the extreme displeasure of enduring 50 minutes of high school students mutilating well known works of music. There were violinists, pianists, and of course the most humbling...vocalists. Now I'm sure as high school students go, these were pretty decent, but as musicians go, they sucked. They didn't just suck. Whatever the slang is for a higher degree of overall suckiness, they did that. Anyway, the reason I was there was that I was playing bass to accompany a few pianists. Now these guys were pretty good. However, when I arrived at the recital hall, I discovered that these three musicians were last in the program and that I would have to sit through fifteen other performances of the incredibly sucky variety. I was not, as they say, "down wit it." In fact, I had to stifle vomit several times. Now I can see how a father or mother would be able to look past the overwhelming suckage that occurred there tonight, but i simply could not. They sucked. They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. At least the instrumentalists could sort of fake it. I mean, you don't have to be a top notch musician to enable me to not be physically ill as a result of your playing. The vocalists were another story. The vocalists must have been joking. Now if you're a vocalist and you suck, you really don't need to go through all those motions with the hands and the neck and the eyes, like your performing a solemn soliliquy on broadway, staring into the distance, and you just can't repress the passion that the song and your own magnificence inspires in you. And yet all crappy-ass singers do this. They close their eyes and wave their hands and they still suck. its embarrassing. I mean I know the person sucks...everyone else seems to know that the person sucks, its painfully obvious that there is much suckiness being sucked, but somehow, amidst the overwhelming evidence, the person still does not seem to know that he or she absolutely blows. Its bizarre. Now don't get me wrong, there was one person that was decent. But you could tell that she was all cocky and full of herself. And she played like eight times on eight different frickin instruments, just so there could be no question...just so you'd be totally convinced that if you knew her, you'd want to confine her to a turkish prison. So after all the suckage had ended, we rocked. We were tight, and down, and various other esoteric musician slang terms. And I'm pretty sure I'd had all those high school girls droolin.
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