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I'm sick of being the guy they call while their boyfriend is out of town, or because he lives 500 miles away, or because they're "taking a break", which is really just a glorified way of saying that one of them had other options they wanted to pursue for a little while, but without the risk of losing the crappy relationship they already have. Cowards. So yeah, it seems a little odd that I should be saying this, but I'm sick of all that. Sure, I go out with all these girls, and I could do alot more with most of them, and I don't, and why not, you ask? Why not take advantage of these situations and say fuck everyone else? Well its because of my goddamn morals, that's why. Stupid crappy morals; always bringin' me down. Stupid selfish bitches. Always trying to use me as an excuse. I'm sick of being a fucking excuse. Consolation prize. Understudy. Put me in coach. And you can never really tell what the hell is going through their minds in the first place. I would say the vast majority of people don't really care, because they're too absorbed in what they want. I think that I"ll be much better off if I'd just come to terms with the fact that you can't prevent people from being idiots. So I take this girl out. Been taking her out regularly for a while. Just "friends", whatever the shit that means. We talk on IM. Instant Messenger. Its like a whole different world on IM. Its like you're a different person. YOu can say whatever you want, because you don't have to look the person in the eye. You don't even have to say it out loud. But nobody seems to really hold anybody accountable for shit they say on IM. So this girl is saying all kinds of suggestive things to me on IM. Then we decide to go out. I pick her up and literally the first two words out of her mouth are, "My boyfriend....". Yup, that's all I need to hear. Right then I'm thinking about crashing the car into her living room just to get out of spending the whole damn night with her. But I don't do that either. That'd just be another big hassle. Lots of bending over probably involved in that cleanup. And I'm not about to bend over for anybody. My toes were not meant to be touched by any other part of my body. And I'm ok with that. So anyway, I spend the night with her. At one point she even gets mad at me for not paying enough attention to her. The nerve. She was lucky I was still conscious. Or breathing for that matter. So I make conversation. And its fun conversation too, because now I don't give a shit what she thinks, or if she likes me, or making any kind of impression, so I'm just saying whatever the hell comes to mind, which tends to be something sarcastic about something she's either said, or is wearing. So...I make it through the night. My friends are there to help with the burden of entertaining her, so its not a total loss. And I drop her off. And she pulls this strange move on me. I stop the car, she says goodnight, I continue staring at the road as I reply...and she reaches out her hand and strokes the back of my head...affectionately, I might say, if I didn't know better. And she looks at me. And for a split second I"m thinking, she wants to kiss me. After this whole wretched horrible night, she wants to kiss me. After all she talked about all night was how great her superhero brainiac bodybuilder millionaire giant-schlong boyfriend is all night, she wants to kiss me. And while all this is occurring to me, I'm sitting there with a stupid look on my face, trying to decide what to do. Meanwhile, she's already said something or other on her way out of the car and is proceeding towards her front door. So what do I do? hmmmm....did I get out and run after her, catch her at the door and spin her around, kissing her? No, of course not. I left. I drove home angry and bitter and feeling foolish, just like I always do, telling myself that that's the last time I fall for that old routine, and that I'm sick of being the damn bag boy. But will it? Be the last time, I mean? I wonder if she's on IM right now....
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